Tuk Tuk Insanity…
Oh well, here I am again writing…
It’s nearly two in the morning, and I went to a ladyboy show and to a gay bar (sort of).
The ladyboyshow is the Calypso Cabaret, which has been playing for more than 10 years to a house full of tourists (mostly straight couples), and not that I am a drag expert, but it was soooo campy for all the wrong reasons, it was well worth the price of admission ($25, very high). First of all, it is lip sync as you would expect, but they are lip syncing in a way that would never be mistaken for singing, they look like they are speaking the words being sung and trying to smile at the same time (which has to be intentional, if they are all doing it).
Plus, they had a section where people were dressed as Marilyn Monroe, but there were three Marilyns. Then Michael Jackson (I guess he counts as drag anymore), and again, three Michael Jacksons all singing “Bad,” and doing the same moves. (Again, isn’t the point that we are supposed to think this person *is* Michael and singing? Why three?), but then the Michaels and the Marilyns start dancing with each other until the three Tina Turners come out. It was too surreal.
The whole thing seemed to have no edge aside from the one performer, who seemed to get the drag aspect. He did three or four numbers and stole the show.
A lot of the time, it just seemed like a show with women who were bored, doing obvious, scripted things and not trying to sell it all. Except they were boys pretending to be women, so I guess that made it edgy? Hardly. They did pay a lot for sets and costumes, then again, they had a few hundred people there at $25 a head, so maybe not.
So, after the show, I decide to go to Patpong. As I head out of the show, a tuk tuk driver is the only one around, and he asks if I want to go to the Patpong Night Market. I say sure, figuring that will get me close enough, so we agree on a price, and I get in his tuk tuk, and before he leaves, he says Patpong is closed.
Now, Patpong is an entire neighborhood, so I am immediately skeptical. I asked why he just offered to take me to a market there if it does not exist. So, I tell him to take me there, whether it is closed or not, and if it closed, I will go home.
He starts driving, and after a block or two, he says, “You going for girl, right?”
“No.”
“Yes, you go for girl.”
He pulls over to the side of the road, and pulls out some brochures from the top of the tuk tuk,which show about 50 girls lined up, and some inset shots of some guy in a bubble bath will two girls.
“You like this, huh?”
“No, actually.”
“Yes, yes, you like girl.”
So, I decide to go with what worked so well in Chaweng with the female prostitutes.
“I like boy, no girl.” (I speak broken english a lot here, I can’t stop myself).
“Oh, you gay! We find you boy!”
“Just take me to Patpong.”
“No, no. Patpong closed. APEC.”
APEC is the global summit of world leaders that is starting next week in Bangkok. The two seem unconnected.
The tuk tuk pulls into a place called Boy Zone, according to its neon sign. Everything else in the area looks deserted and I have no clue where I am. The tuk tuk driver said he will either wait, or take me and my boy back to my hotel, with a suggestive wink or eyebrow raising.
It is rather distressing to me how much the locals want you to pay to sleep with the other locals. I think I will be reading some books on prostitution in this country when I get home, as it is baffling. My puritan perception would be that they would look down on rich westerners coming to sleep with their fellow citizens, but that is clearly not the case. All the local thais know good places where you can find locals for boyfriends or girlfriends. I’m still waiting for one to tellme I would like his sister…
Anyway, I go into boyzone, and it is surreal beyond belief.
Three boys in white bikini underwear stand on a raised platform at the far end of what seems to be a garage with a few loveseats in it, and a long bench along the length of the wall. The three boys have small circles on their briefs with numbers. On the long bench, another 14 boys sit, aged maybe 17 to 22, they wear yellow tanktops, and the same white briefs. All have numbers on them.
Every eye is on me.
I am the only customer.
It is not a gay bar as I expected. It is basically a thai boy rental service, more than anything else.
Someone dressed in different clothes comes from behind the bar, and asks if I want a drink. I say, sure, coke. And for him? My tuk tuk driver is here, too, checking things out. Umm, yeah, sure… I guess. He gets a beer. He sits in a couch perpendicular to my loveseat.
“Nice boys, eh?”
This whole thing is so strange.
The guy that works there asks if there is a boy I like. Not surprising, yes, there is one I prefer to the rest, and I have a Coke to get through, so yeah, the second one from the right on the couch.
Every so often, other boys switch off with the go-go dancers. Some taking off their shirts and dancing, the others putting theirs back on and sitting down.
The boy I pick comes to sit with me on the loveseat. He is Jonny, 20. Very cute. Butcher than I’ve been going for here, but probably only butch in context with a lot of the other boys. The manager asks if I would like to buy Johhny a drink. He wants a Coke. Sure, of course, get him a Coke.
You’ll never guess, but Jonny “likes you a lot.” Johnny starts stroking my knee, arm around me…
The Coke is half empty.
The manager guy comes over, and finally we get the details. Johnny costs 3000 baht ($75) for either two hours in the hotel upstairs, or I can take Johhny home for the same price and he can stay as long as I want. I tell him Johhny can’t come with me, my guesthouse doesn’t allow guests to go upstairs. He looks suspicious, and I tell him New Siam. He says, “Oh, yes, New Siam no allow.”
I tell him that I expected something else, like an actual gay bar, with tourists talking, people dancing, a go-go boy or two and maybe if there was something like this, maybe it just going on in one section. Not being the only customer in the place, with Johnny trying to get me to buy him, and 14 other boys watching us.
I tell him I was not expecting to buy a boy tonight, just see the gay bar scene in Bangkok before I go home to San Francisco. See how they compare. He says, he will go talk to owner, see if I can have Johhny cheaper, and he disappears outside.
The go-go boys always get much lewder when he goes outside, kind of parodying their roles, which amuses me. Johnny puts his tongue in my ear. When the door opens again, my ear is my own again, and the go-go boys dance normally.
Now I can have Johhny for 2000 baht ($50). Johhny perks up, “That is very good price. I very good. You like.”
The manager leaves again, to give me time to think, and three other boys come over to the loveseat. Some play with my hair, some say Johhny very nice. It is interesting how it isn’t competitive, I pick Johnny, that was that. So strange…
I tell Johnny I am going to go back to my room. He lights up. I have Dae flashbacks. Here we go again. No. I am going back to my room. You stay here. But why? Becuase I no want to rent boy (I’m better at breaking up with thai boys in broken english, and more practiced at this point). I go through the whole thing. Want to meet boy, like each other, no money involved, etc., etc.
One of the boys takes my picture with Johnny on the loveseat, and then says, “Don’t tell, againt the rules to take our photo unless you buy.”
Finally, I get up, Johhny gives a pout that seems sincere, or one that is sad that he is not getting money, who knows. I kiss his hand, as I try to be gentle and forthcoming with all of my prostitutes on this trip for some reason (although I don’t think Dae is one anymore, but who can tell). I guess the whole state of things here kind of saddens me. Although, they seem very matter of fact and seem to care less about it.
The manager guy says I should take Johnny, but if not, I can just pay my bar tab and leave. I say OK. Bar tab is 600 baht ($15).
“Umm, was only two Cokes and one beer.”
“Yes, all drinks 200 baht.”
I just laugh, and figure there is no way out of this. Pay him.
The tuk-tuk driver says where we go. I say Kho San Road.
“No, no, we find you boy.”
“I don’t want boy, just go to Kho Sahn Road.”
“You want to go back to your hotel?”
“No. Kho Sahn Road.”
He keeps looking around, and finally pulls over to some elderly man sitting against a closed up store. Somethingsomething Thai, somethingsomething “boy bar.”
The man points down the street and then twists his arm indicating a right turn.
“You do not know how to go to Koh Sahn Road?”
“We finding you a boy.”
“I don’t want a boy.”
“Yes, you want a boy.”
Now I know why I take taxis usually, they go where you ask.
He keeps turning in and out alleys in this area, looking for some gay bar. Finally, we are on a populated street with a lot of taxis, stopped at a light. I tell him he either has to go to Koh Sahn Road, or I will just get out without paying and get in a taxi.
“Kho Sahn Road is closed.”
“The entire street is closed?”
“Yes, closed for the night.”
“That is OK, I am staying near there. I will walk down the empty street and go home.”
“No, all closed.”
I go to step out of the tuk tuk, and he says, “OK, OK, OK, we take you home.”
Finally, he gives up his quest for the gay bar and drives with purpose. Then he stops and I have no clue where we are.
“This is not Kho Sahn Road.”
“No, this is your hotel.”
I look up and this is where he picked me up, from the ladyboy show.
“No, this is where you picked me up. I want to go to Kho Sahn Road.”
“This is where you stay, I know.”
He shuts off the tuk tuk and says his shift is over now. I show him my room key for New Siam II, but he’s not having it. “You stay here tonight.”
I owe him like 150 baht, since it was 50 to the bar, 50 to wait (especially since it was so desolate), and 50 to go home. His math is, of course, that I owe him 200 baht.
Other tuk tuk drivers start aproaching and ask where I want to go. I say Kho Sahn Road. One says 100 baht.
I give my guy 100 Baht, and say I need to use the rest of his fare (which I never would have paid in its entirety anyway) to finish the trip he promised me.
After checking on the Internet here, it does seem Thailand is doing a little prettying up for APEC, and Patpong is a casualty, a lot of the sex clubs and gay bars are shut down for a while, until all the people leave after next week. I knew APEC was happening, as I was glad I was leaving before Bush arrives (in case they try ato blow him up), not to mention there was some very important dude being escorted around the grand palace by eight guards with machine guns, asking tourists to clear the way for his photo to be taken in front of stuff. He looked to be from the Middle East and could care less about touring the palace or having his picture taken. I ask the guy traveling with him (the only one in the group without a machine gun) who he is, his eyes indicate that I don’t want to know, and he puts his finger to lips, for me not to ask again. I should have taken his picture, but didn’t.
Anyway, after my surreal ladyboy show, unsuccessful boy renting, and insane tuk tuk ride, I end up back in my neighborhood. Kho Sahn Road was quieter than usual, but still filled with people, and a few of the clubs were buzzing. But, I just walked home after another crazy night in Bangkok… laughing.
