The countdown is beginning and it’s both exciting and scary, which are two great feelings to have at the same time. They nearly always indicate a good decision.

At present, the plan is to quit my job in late January or early February. I’d love to get laid off (severance, unemployment), but I don’t see that happening.

This plan is a long time coming. It took more than a year to become debt-free and have a comfortable sum in the bank. How comfortable will be determined next year, since I don’t know what I will be doing to make money. What I do know is that the type of job I’m looking for won’t let me apply now.

The goal is to make writing sacred. Whatever I do must be the opposite of writing.

Writing is mental. The job should be physical.

Writing is sedentary. The job needs to be active.

Writing is solitary. The job needs to be social.

And on and on…

This seems to indicate that I will need to be a bartender, waiter, security, host, or something along those lines. So, harder work for less money. Something that doesn’t require me to remember anything at the end of my shift, aside from when my next shift is. Unlike my current job, where calendars already exist indicating what I will need to write 11 months from now.

But this new position will not be my job. Or my career. It will be how I pay the bills.

My job will be writing my book.

Despite my lack of interest in my job, writing there during the day still saps my ability and energy to work on my novel at night. More importantly, I don’t think the quality is as good when I do it that way.

So, I will not be working on the book until I quit my job. Instead, I am starting to study more, build up my ability and insight into writing - something that will benefit me when I have the time.

Until then, I just have to suffer through a few short months. But freedom is on the horizon. It will be mine soon.

Last night’s reading went well, with six other readers from the I Do, I Don’t anthology. Tuesday night was all revisions. For some reason, I always flip-flop as to how I like something to sound in print compared to how I like it to read if I have to perform it. I like the version in the book, but when it came time to read it live it had to change. Tighten it up. Make sure the pace keeps moving. And, when in doubt, add some humor.

Tried a new thing last night, whereby sentences I wanted to emphasize I put in bold, so that whenever I hit them, I knew to slow down and say them right.

The weird side was it being a very autobiographical piece. I prefer my autobiography served under a thick fictional sauce typically, so this seemed more naked. A lot of Tuesday night was spend realizing that the piece may have seemed to be about the time I spent with Dae in Thailand, but 60 percent of it was basically about me.

The next writing assignment is just getting a personal statement together so I can apply for a writing fellowship. It’s basically a lottery, so I don’t expect to win, but I’ll be damned if I don’t have a ticket in the bin for them to pull out. It would definitely be a huge deal to have the extra income next year after I quit my job. We shall see.

I’m a bit pissed off that I seem to have a shin splint in my right leg, which is basically a stress fracture of the tibia. It kicked in while I was in Texas, probably related to my doing more treadmill work instead of my purist stance on using low-impact elliptical machines when I am home. Didn’t even jog, just a brisk walk, with some inclines. The strange part is it doesn’t hurt if I go use the elliptical machines at the gym; it hurts as I walk to and from the gym. I think I’m bailing on the gym until Monday, give it a few days to heal. Try and chill out more.

As I don’t plan to work on the novel until I quit my job next year, I really need to crank up the reading. Start the Nabokov MFA program I’ve been planning. I think I should start reading Mansfield Park this week.

Saturday, I go to the Bridge School benefit concert, which will have Tegan and Sara, Los Lonely Boys, Ben Harper and Innocent Criminals, Sonic Youth, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Tony Bennett, Paul McCartney, and Neil Young performing. Other upcoming things I have planned: Marilyn Manson concert, Green Day concert, Tom Wolfe event, and, of course, Halloween. Not sure if I’m dressing up this year, will largely depend on the shin splint, since randomly walking around isn’t too fun at present.

“Wedding Dae,” a piece I wrote about Dae proposing to marry me in Thailand, is now included in a new anthology called “I Do/I Don’t: Queers on Marriage.” I will be one of a handful of readers at A Different Light in San Francisco this Wednesday at 7 p.m., if anyone wants to see what should be my only public reading until I finish my novel.

More details on the book are available at http://www.suspectthoughts.com/pressido.htm