Put up or shut up
OK, the time is here. My vacation home for the holidays was refreshing and I got to see lot of family and friends, which is all I wanted. The time is finally here to roll up my sleeves (figurative, as I tend to wear short sleeves, and I think rolled up short sleeves looks kind of stupid, although I suppose you could get away with it if you really worked it) and walk toward destiny.
Tomorrow, I will wake up (let’s hope so, anyway). At some point, I will go to the gym. And I will begin the final stretch in writing my novel. That’s pretty much the schedule for every day in the near future.
It’s interesting, as there has been a lot of subtext lately when people talk to me lately. Some people come right out and say it, but others stay one step on the other side of the line. They will ask what it will be like to not have a job… wonder what I’ll do after the money runs out… what I’ll do after I finish the book, etc.
In short, what will you *really* do after this? After you get this whole book thing out of your system, what will your next job be?
I wish I had answers (but not really). For me, there is no master plan, because it would be folly to calculate so many things that are out of my control.
And, I really want to live in the moment. I want to live the writing of this book. I want to cherish linking words together and hopefully tell a compelling story in the process.
As for my next job? This is it. Author. I can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing. But the clock is ticking. I will run out of money at some point. I will therefore be doing less, or at least spending less.
That said, I have no plans of being reclusive. That old writing method was a by-product of having only so much time between the day job, the gym, and everything else. I fully intend to be out and about, meeting people, socializing.
My goal this year is to learn how to be a full-time writer. I know how to lock myself up, not see anyone and bang words together. But that isn’t going to get me more new friends, stronger existing friendships, and a boyfriend.
I’m going to try and have a few ground rules, though. These are mainly for my sanity. For the people I do see (or talk to online) on a regular basis, I need to ask that you not ask about the writing, the book, where I’m at with the book, what’s happening now in the book, etc. The abstract is fine (how is having time to write full-time?), but really, I am going to be living this book a lot, so when I am out and with people, I’d rather talk about anything else.
I was a bit open-door about the writing process on this book when I first started, but that wasn’t really helpful for me. I won’t bring this up in person or remind anyone that I don’t want to talk about it, but I certainly won’t light up the conversation in response to that line of inquiry. (A sampling of the responses you’ll get: “Fine.” “Good.” “OK.” “Hopefully soon.”)
Also, my lack of a formal job doesn’t mean my calendar is free, either. Until the writing finds its schedule, I’ll largely not be free for lunches or hanging out in the mornings or afternoons. Just pretend I’m working, except with this job there will be even less instant messaging, less e-mail checking, and no phone calls. Always e-mail instead of calling during the day.
The goal is to get to the point I was at when I wrote the draft in Thailand, if possible. Back then, I would be writing and Jamey would randomly show up, and I would just put the writing down, go swimming or whatever with him for a while, and then when he’d leave, I could just pick the notebook back up and know exactly where I was and what I wanted to say. I just need to figure out how to do that in an urban setting. If and when I do, great, but I’m not there yet.
I can’t believe it’s here, though. Tomorrow, I start working on the novel again full-time. I can’t wait to find my way into this book again, and I certainly can’t wait until I get to write on this journal that this draft is finished.
While writing the book this time, I will be simultaneously starting the Nabokov MFA, which I will explain in greater detail in a future post. I think I’ve touched on it in the past, but I will go into more detail once that begins.
Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive of me up until this point. It has been a long road to get here, and I look forward to making 2005 the year where my two major things for so long, writing the book and slimming the body, switch from future tense to past tense.
