I’ve recently become victim to an intense wave of telemarketing.

Most of the calls I actually don’t get to answer, as they call when I am out of the apartment working at the library. These all seem to prey on a basic concern, that there is a problem with your “loan,” and you need to press 1 immediately to resolve it. I get to bypass this message because I am currently debt-free and don’t owe anybody any money, but honestly who wouldn’t push 1 in that situation? I never knew who I actually borrowed the money from half the time when I was on that side of things.

I also enjoy dialing up car insurance people who send me offers in the mail. They always offer me $10 if they can’t reduce my monthly car insurance bill, so I call as soon as I get in the door. They ask how much I pay now, and I tell them I don’t own a car, so therefore have no insurance. Somehow they always seem to wiggle off the phone without figuring out how to get me my $10 check. Bastards.

But tonight was the most fun. Some new travel agency, sounds like a timeshare deal. They want to either send me to Hawaii for three days and two nights or on a Mexican cruise for four days and three nights. I debate just trying to get them off the phone, but the guy doing the calls is so bad it is funny. He actually had a deliberate pause when it took a moment for his brain to register that the blank in the script was where he was supposed to say his own name. How cute is that?

He barely tells me anything, and I’ve agreed to nothing, but then he shuttles me off to his supervisor to confirm what we talked about. She tells me I need to come to Fisherman’s Wharf this week to sit for a 90 minute seminar and then I will get to redeem either vacation. I’m thinking Mexico, since it is longer, but then she drops the bombshell.

She says that as a family vacation provider, they want me to know that my vacation is for two. Do I have anyone special to bring? Are you married?

No.

Got a girlfriend?

Here we go, let’s see if I can get her to hang up.

Nope. Boyfriend.

Oh, OK, do you want to bring your boyfriend on the vacation with you?

Hmm, I’m not quite sure which one I should bring.

You’ve got several boyfriends?

Yeah, but don’t worry, they don’t know about each other. And I’d only be picking one to bring.

Again. NOTHING?!?! What kind of family cruise line wants some gay lothario hanging out with all their married couples? I’m guessing these people are paid separately, and if I show up, their role is done. She continues on very casually.

So, how about you decide which boyfriend you want to bring and I’ll call you tomorrow to see if they can make it to come to the presentation on the wharf.

I give in. OK, call me around noon, I tell her.

I’m always at the library by noon.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 3rd, 2005 at 10:54 pm and is filed under diary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.