Birthday entry
So… today is my birthday. 38 years old. Not really dreading it, loving it, hating it… it’s just sort of Wednesday, really.
I went back and read last year’s birthday entry (more like manifesto), and that’s not the place I’m in today (wanting to write that much, I mean). Some of the same issues exist, some don’t.
My focus lately has been on inspiration, which I think I wrote about recently. How giving up the ego to allow direct access to inspiration is the path, rather than be the slavedriver to motivation, which is just the ego pretending it is running the show.
Just listened to a Wayne Dyer CD, and the quote he had on this one was something like: "You will never find your light by examining the darkness."
I’ve always gone so long about saying I need a certain "place" in which I can be creative, involving sleep, times of day, an empty schedule, etc., etc., and all of that is exactly what is prescribed to have an active, spiritual experience on a regular basis, and I don’t think that is coincidental.
I’ve said before that I’m gravitating to thinking that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience. So, a lot lately has been trying to nurture that more fully.
That is probably the big push for the next year.
Of course, all of my previous goals also fit in this new mode, too. The book is being worked on lately, but in a much less manic way, because I see my role as getting my ego out of the way and just enabling it to happen. Same with the body issues, same with the boy issues.
My only new insight was how so many people use alcohol, drugs, and such and it seems the goal is not to unwind or such, but I see this as a way to quiet the ego and get it out of the way temporarily. You don’t hit on hotter guys, have conscious-expanding experiences and such because you were on a chemical, but because the thing that normally keeps you reigned in, afraid, and unable to open yourself up to that energy is removed temporarily. But you can get there, and stay there, more often if you can give up the notion that the ego is right. not easy, but certainly worthwhile…
