It was very hot in the city today, although I didn’t think that would matter as far as doing a Bikram class. If anything, there would be less of a “cooling” when stepping out into the street afterward. But, for whatever reason, it made the studio even hotter. I saw the temperature at the front near the teacher hit 107, to the oint where she even opened windows to bring the temperature down.

As per usual, about the last 10-15 minutes of class, I start to get nauseous. I know I haven’t eaten for 2.5 hours prior to class, but it seems like something might want out, although nothing should be able to find its way out at this point.

One thing I failed to mention was that at about class 3 or 4, I started going into the class shirtless. Now, I’m not a big fan of shirtless. But, given the nature of the class, all of the guys get naked in the locker room after class anyway, since you’re soaked with sweat from head to toe. So, I figure, if the guys are seeing me shirtless anyway, wearing a shirt to class just lets the girls see me without a shirt (which has no point) and creates more wet, nasty laundry.

At the risk of sounding like Karl Pilkington, part of me problem being shirtless in general is immediately evident in this class. Basically, after losing a lot of weight, the outside of my body is bigger than the inside. As much as I chide people for not discarding their old clothes in larger sizes, based on the notion that they might need them again someday, I seem to do the same thing with my skin. My skin is ready and able to envelope a 305+ pound man again. No stretching required.

So, when I’m on my hands and knees (we’re in yoga class, remember… dirty birds), the skin sort of just hangs there. It isn’t pretty. Part of my interest in yoga is that with all the stretching, it might reawaken the skin and start tightening it up. If not, there’ll be surgery down the line at some point. Hopefully my book doesn’t do well posthumously after an unsuccessful body lift. But, thanks to the gastric bypass hordes, this is becoming a more common procedure.

So, yeah, a bit harder to do the postures today. I’m wondering whether I should look into getting a sweatband, since I keep wiping the sweat out of my eyes between postures, when I’m supposed to be in savasana, because part of the focus is on a mirror in front of you, maintaining eye contact with yourself, as your body finds its groove in each position. But, hard to maintain eye-anything with the salty sting going on.

I might be interviewing Susan Powter soon (don’t tell her, though, she doesn’t know yet), so we’ll see what her thoughts are on the whole skin thing. I’ve made some progress, keeping fat pictures in the house and all (although no longer posted on the refrigerator to dissuade eating). So, I’m trying not to pretend the fat era never happened, but I don’t think I want to keep the actual skin from that era. I’m not that nostalgic, and I’m really against clutter. That definitely qualifies as something I haven’t used for the past six months. Time to get rid of it.

So far, so good, continuing to do the practice. I can’t say it’s gotten any easier, but I guess doing anything this intense daily with no physical repercussions, aside from a bit of soreness here or there, is pretty good.

The more noticeable effects happen outside of class. It just seems like bringing awareness into the body through yoga has really changed my diet. Toward the end of my usualy order at herbivore, it seems like too much food, and this is after knowing not to get the side of fries which sometimes accompanies it (they’re grilled, not actually fried, btw). It’s become like that across the board.

I’ve become a bit calmer, which I didn’t think was possible.

Doing class #5 in 58 minutes, so still going strong on it all. Today, on my walk into the Mission, I realized I forgot my cell phone (my brother and his wife are likely having their baby this weekend), but I was already 7 blocks from home, so I figured I’d just keep walking. Then two blocks from my office, I thought, did I pack shorts? I quickly check my backpack and realize that, no, I didn’t.

But I popped into a thrift store on Mission Street and got a pair of black Ocean Pacific shorts for $4, so assuming I don’t have crabs tomorrow, that was an easy enough fix.

Last night, I saw Bright Eyes in concert at Great American Music Hall. I was on the fence, because I didn’t know what “vibe” he was currently touring, in advance of his new album. And, that was also the venue where I first saw him on the “Lifted” tour, and that concert was the best I ever saw him. Of course, you have to factor it being the first time I saw him into the mix, that always heightens it.

But it was a great show, only it started at 9p, with two opening acts, not to mention pushing the clocks ahead early, so very late start on things today, which accounts for the 4:30p yoga and the late arrival at the office. I think the plan is yoga, herbivore, a few hours on the novel, and then home.

It is so nice out in the city today. It the weather keeps up like this, I’ll end up reading a novel in Dolores Park tomorrow afternoon (one for Oasis, though, so still under the “work” heading).

I keep trying to erase the boundaries of work, but maybe I’m just not wired to do that. Like, I’m fine putting in time on the novel and the site, but it always seems like I’m judging whether I put “enough” time in each day, and it seems inspiration should exist without boundaries or deadlines. You can always do five minutes more.

But, it just seems like acknowledging the time is a failure of sorts. I should just fire Word up and stop when I’m too hungry to concentrate or something. But I break everything down, like I’ll probably work on this for about 90 minutes, then have lunch, then come back and pick up, but it’s entirely artificial.

I mean, sure, I know I’m going to yoga at 4:30p, but that’s why I’m doing a blog entry and e-mail maintenance rather than get started on that just yet. I hit that sweet spot where it wasn’t really enough time to get into it, so may as well do other stuff until later. Only, the “other stuff” is the optional stuff, so it seems strange to put optional in the first position.

On the flipside, I think it’s a good idea to bang dinner onto the end of yoga, rather than keep that available as a future interruption, so all planning isn’t bad. It always seems there is too much effort into the structuring, which is time that could be better spent doing.

Oh, and it seems a recent sentiment express on here is actually almost a verbatim quote from Mother Teresa: “I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.” Of course, I still think having a pro-peace rally would attract all the anti-war people and get hijacked by that negativity.

Just found it interesting that on the day I posted that quote, I was walking around town listening to a Wayne Dyer podcast, and he referenced that quote.

Busy day, moving into the office and all, so didn’t get to post.

I did, however, go to do my yoga again.

On the first night, I was debating which yoga to attend the following day. The 6:15 a.m. would remove all procrastination, the 9 a.m. starts the day off, and there’s always the lunchtime option at noon.

I decided to just wake up and try to go to the first one I could. The 6:15a was the long shot, as that would require me to wake up at 5:30, so that’s out.

So, I wake up at exactly 5:30a. But overnight, I tensed up and was more sore than I expected, especially through my shoulders. So, I skip the 6:15a. Actually, I go back to bed entirely, thinking that will still give me time for the 9a., only I wake up at 8:40a.

So, I pack up the computer and stuff to take to the office, carry that for the 8 blocks, set up shop, and do yoga at noon. Goes fine. No easier, and the same “make this end” feeling creeups about 10-15 minutes toward the end again.

We’ll see how the third class goes, which is in 56 minutes.

So, today was my first day doing Bikram Yoga.
It’s basically a 90 minute class in a room heated to 105 degrees. As it was described to me by the studio’s owner before class, Bikram is organized to wring toxins from your body.

The classes aren’t too packed, none sell out, so that’s good. There were maybe 8 of us there at noon today.

As I stated before, my intention is to go every day for two months. However, when I paid for the first month, I got told of a new offer they came up with. I paid $30 for 30 days, unlimited lessons. But, the new incentive they have is… if I show up for 30 consecutive days, the next 30 days are free.

So, that shouldn’t really affect anything, aside from confirming that I don’t have to whip out any money a month from now.

The class itself was fine. It reminds me of seeing A Chorus Line, but then, what doesn’t? Just how for the final Chorus Line number, “One,” they are doing the big Chorus Line kicking at the end. And how they make it look effortless and their legs all go up so high, but whenever I saw them appear on television, both on Good Morning America and Ellen, the hosts joined the line and, well, it showed you the extension of a normal person. You forget how much it takes to keep that flexible and stretched out.

The room is, as you would expect, hot. I made one “error” on my way to class, although they said it is common and a lot of people don’t pay attention to that. On my walk to the studio, I bought some bottled water for class, but as I was walking, I thought… hmm, I wonder if I’m allowed cold water in class. The whole point of the class is to heat up the body. The water is recommended to hydrate the body, but not necessarily to cool it down. It’s kind of not the point. So, I’ll probably get some bottled water at home, and keep it room temp.

The class is broken down into halves, the first half standing, the rest on the floor. The heat doesn’t really bother me. I love a good sauna. They told me to go by the window my first class, since it is “coolest” there. It is hottest in the middle of the room.

It is always surprising to hear people calmy tell you do things that seem physically impossible. Of course, when you look around, many people are doing the impossible. I forget the exact move, but during the standing portion, I recall my thigh muscles quivering so much if was as if my body had an internal earthquake, and the epicenter was my perineum, with the shockwaves rippling outward.

I didn’t avoid doing anything, but there was a lot of modification. One thing, involving laying on both arms, palms up, I doubt I’ll ever be able to do with the decades-old injuries to my left elbow. I had surgery on it and all. I just palmed down. I won’t say I’ll never be able to do it, because there are a lot of yoga stories involving people who had age-old injuries that healed, so who knows.

I kept tabs on the amount of water I had left against how much time was left in the class. It was quite a relief to switch to the floor portion of the class, but I never found the class overwhelming. I kept trying to relax into the poses, monitor my breath, and push my body to its limit, knowing today’s limit will be more restrictive than tomorrow’s, or Friday’s, or Saturday’s… I’m very curious what it will be like after two months.

About 15 minutes before the end, I was feeling it. It had all built up, and the heat started to swarm over me, my muscles seemed less inclined to play along, and focus was harder to maintain, but I did every pose in the class. I was just really happy when we finally got to corpse pose, and told it was over.

Until tomorrow.

I want to apologize in advance for a post I made a while back (not to mention the continued ugliness of this site), entitled Everyone’s So Literal, which made it seem like I was still up in the air about going to NYC. I’m not. I’d say it’s like 85 percent pretty likely to occur. But, I had just sent out some job resumes out and I figured it would look bad if, when they hit my website, there were references to me wanting to live in NYC in a few months, so I wanted to downplay it. That would be the post where some friends came in and posted comments, though, so I’ll leave it there.

So, no jobs in SF for me. I’m done. My next paychecks will be from Oasis and the publisher of my book. My next hourly pay will be in NYC, although I doubt it will ever come to that again. I’ve probably mentioned that the book and my weight and everything got bunched up there for a while, due to lack of money, and suffice it to say that issue is resolved for the longish short term.

Family and friends bring up the money issue, and honestly, it’s not something I can discuss. Here’s the problem. My vibe now is all about visualizing a future and following my passion and love to make it happen. It all has to come from a good place. So, whenever I get asked: what if you run out of money again? how much do you think you’ll make on your book? isn’t the book done yet? etc., etc., I’m just really not going to answer those questions. To answer those questions is to allow doubt and fear into the mix, as well as putting me in a position to defend my position, which then brings ego in to let people know I know what I’m doing, but is also a negative element. So, these questions aren’t really going to be entertained. Keep your well-intentioned fear and worry to yourselves. I’ve worked hard to suppress my own, so I don’t need help in that regard.

Here’s the short answer to all of this: I’d rather do something I’m passionate about and fail, than settle for far less and succeed.

In any event, today was fun. I decided that I needed to start wrapping up the end of my San Francisco run by doing a lot of the things I’ve always said I wanted to do. It is ridiculous to delay easy things in your life. Also, a lot of things I thought I would do in NYC, well… I can do them here.

Today, I started renting a shared office space down in The Mission. I’m way too cooped up in the house, and the balance between work, personal, business, fun, life, etc., was way too blurred. I started feeling like I was buying into the multitasking bullshit world that everyone else claims to deploy. But it was feeling like every hour had some personal stuff, some novel stuff, some Oasis stuff, etc., and blurring them all into one thing hour after hour, well, there were no boundaries. Everything was a tug-of-war. I’ve always said I need to get out of the house and find a way to do that. So, on craigslist, I found a place 7 blocks from where I live, and I have the keys and 24/7 access to it. I intend to go there every day and work on the novel and Oasis. When I come home for the day, I will not do anything in regard to either.

The office just happens to be directly across the street from the Bikram Yoga studio I wanted to go to. Bikram Yoga is a hot yoga, so you go 90 minutes of slow, sequential poses in 105 degree heat. You don’t wear much in there, and you sweat profusely. Sweating out toxins is part of the practice. The heat also warms up your muscles and joints and enables you to more easily settle into the postures.

I like it because it is sequential. One thing I disliked about yoga I’d done before was it seemed to constantly be “dealer’s choice,” and every class was different. Some people like variety, but I’ve always wanted the notion that I am building a yoga practice, and learning how each position flows into the next. Many practices have a specific order for a reason.

To be fair, most people do yoga to de-stress and, honestly, I don’t really have much stress. I want to use yoga to supplant going to the gym, as far as shaping my body, because it just seems holistic and natural to use your body to heal and change your own body. It is also meditative, and I really want to do something that is calming and inward-focused. Yoga means “union,” and that is the point. I want to bring my mental, physical, and spiritual sides together, which is the whole point of yoga. To me, the whole “random” yoga thing is OK if you’re there to unwind, but I want yoga to be part of a spiritual practice. There is a natural desire to have things flow a certain way. Christians going to church on Sunday wouldn’t want their mass to start with communion, and then go into whatever the priest was “feeling” in the next moment.

So, yeah, today was all about “What am I putting off in my life that is, for use of the proper word, stupid.

Right now, my main goals in life are becoming more centered, and using that energy to further the novel, Oasis, my body, and my life in general.

One thing that also needs to change is that I’m not really feeling the whole club scene right now. I’m actually thinking of doing the early yoga class all week, and my age doesn’t allow a sufficient refractory period anymore to adapt my sleep schedule after staying out until all hours. I’m not saying I won’t go out, but I plan to be far more Cinderella about it. But, if people tend to crash at my place after last call, they can still have their own keys and sneak in at 2:30a. I’ll just already be here, asleep.

Oh, my goal (as per the guy who started Bkram Yoga suggests) is to attend yoga classes every single day for two months (they have great intro rates, it isn’t as bad as paying for them one-off, by a long shot). So, that’s 7 days a week of profuse sweating, stretching, looking inward, etc. It’s going to be pretty intense.

One other thing I did today was to subscribe to the Sunday New York Times. I was sort of mixed on this, but we’ll see how it goes. The fantasy of the NY Times, of course, is part of being in a relationship and having those lazy Sundays in bed, reading about the latest theater, books, doing the crossword, etc. But, you know, it’s silly to link practical thing like this to a future relationship. I mean, if this is something I desire doing, it should be done, not delayed. So, that starts up this week.

That said, I probably won’t be reading a lot of the news sections. I have really gone out of my way to limit my intake of the news. I know what’s going on, just not the details of it all. I think I’ll have enough time to decide who I want to vote for in 2008 without starting 20 months before the election. And I hit enough blogs to glean the headlines of the day.

So, the paper is all about the arts and entertainment stuff (shock!). News is part of a larger thing I’m trying to escape, which is the negativity that seems to pervade everything in our society. I’m just opting-out.

Even with Oasis, I’m avoiding interviewing people who I think do not contribute a positive message. Ode Magazine is sort of my template for Oasis, finding the people that tell the same stories, just with a different spin.

I think one of the biggest problems we have now is negativity. For example, in a few days (I forget the date), there is a big anti-war rally in San Francisco. Now, I am against war, and this war specifically. But I don’t want to go to an event where the rallying force is negativity. I don’t want to be against Bush, against war, against capitalism or any of it. Now, if it said, “March for Peace,” I’d be more inclined to go, although despite the change in naming, it would probably still result in the same negative hectoring mess.

I think people unifying to send a message of peace, and creating a program around that message, has real power. Rallying around negativity breeds negativity. Calm Fisher once said: “Optimism can make you look stupid, but being cynical always makes you look cynical.” I’ve done a lot of work to remove as much of my cynicism and sarcasm as possible (saving it for the novels, though, don’t worry, but as a straw man for my real intent).

It carries over into everything. The Republicans had been winning because their voters went to the polls voting FOR something they believed in, and we were always forced to vote AGAINST the person they were running. It’s easier to get people to act when it comes from a positive place, so they had an easier task of it all.

The other issue, and the one that makes me long to go ex-pat and leave the country at times, is that I think that, in order to write thigns that pierce the culture, you can’t really be a part of it. It’s a basic rule. When they shot nature documentaries, they know that whatever they are filming can’t know they are there, or else what they film is just how that animal acts when it knows it is being filmed.

Now, do I think society changes specifically because it knows I’m watching? No. But the issue is that I don’t have as much perspective because of that immersion.

It can be done, though. People can stay here and get that detachment. It just takes a lot of work. And I’m certain it involves getting a boyfriend and losing a television, both of which I’m more than amenable to.

But that’s the only way, really.

So, yeah, it’s all one big paradox. I want to step outside the culture, so I plan to move to the cultural center of the world. Part of it is that I just need to see what it’s like. Maybe it’s like the hurricane, calm in the center? Not to mention, a lot of what NYC exports doesn’t interest me. I’m not heavily into fashion, finance, advertising (although I hope my publisher hires a GREAT agency). I’m really going there for theater and music and taking acting lessons and being closer to the family and, of course, it’s still a huge gay mecca.

That was the point of today. Doing things I’ve put off, but felt the impulse to do. The lease on the office is month to month, so no huge commitment. Yoga is a 30-day subscription, followed by a 90-day subscription (once the first 30 goes well). The NY Times is 12 weeks. So, nothing here is life altering. I’m still going clubbing (just coming home earlier). Will probably shake up the family schedules a bit, as the Sunday calls are starting to seem too… planned. I’m my own boss, and they’re retired, so they can happen whenever. That can mean more often, but shorter. Whatever. It will find its own groove.

The big change is, my days will now be away from the apartment. So, if anyone needs to reach me (starting Thursday), hit the cell. I will only check my jeff at oasismag dot com e-mail there, so separate things out. If it’s about Oasis, hit that. If it’s personal and not about Oasis, stick with jeff at jeffwalsh dot com (I don’t even know why I bother, I don’t think I can get more spam at this point). Also, I am VERY down with having lunches at Herbivore (a block away from my office!), so if that tickles anyone’s fancy, I’m there.

So, tonight, I’m wrapping up reading a book for an Oasis interview, and Tuesday and Wednesday are about reading a draft of a friend’s book that I’m bounced off the schedule for way too long now, so that will be read then. I’m starting yoga Wednesday and the office stuff on Thursday. Yoga and the office will be seven days a week, maybe six, we’ll see. The weekends will only be the novel, no Oasis, so only half-days. I’m also planning to go for walks and eat a lot of my lunches over in Dolores Park, just to add some sunshine and nature to my days.

There’s the update. And within 30 days, I should get a yes/no from the Stanford writing thing, which will further crystallize NYC in some direction.

Oh, people do ask about my NYC plans, and I love chatting about that. But I really don’t have any. I am really just focused on the tasks at hand. For instance, right now I’m writing a blog entry, then I’m reading a book. That’s about as far into the future as I’m trying to go. So, yeah, I look on craigslist for NYC roommates, and get a handle on the neighborhoods, etc. (I plan a trip back home/to NYC to check them out in better detail before I make any proper move). But, a lot of the plans most people would make for a move of that magnitude? Not happening.

I do little projects. Right now, my kitchen table is full of cookbooks. It’s a bit obscene, really. It’s such a huge stack. Any cookbook that gets to stay in my life is making its case at present. Anything with meat is pretty certainly on its way out. Books that are heavily ovo-lacto… on the fence. All vegan books get to travel east.

The cookbook thing has resurrected another revived pasttime, too. I need to start cooking more experimental things again. Part of the work is life and life is work (despite the seeming lack of progress achieve in either) routine is that I’ve gotten really good at the prepared meals. They are great-tasting and healthy and vegan and low-fat, but you know, I just need to push the boundaries more. Try new cuisines, new cultures, new spices, new dishes.

Oh, that is one other thing. Another project, I suppose. I’ve been going through my pantry/freezer/spices and finding all of the neglected items (pink lentils, was there a reason I bought you?) and cooking them. So, I’ve stormed through most of the abandoned ingredients at this point (red lentils + Susan Powter’s Herbed Lentil Casserole recipe = no more lentils), just figuring out some of the spices.

So, I’m definitely thinning things out. But it’s more of a subconscious NYC thing than a checklist. There is no list. There may even be a trip to Thailand before NYC happens (depends on the pace of the completion of the novel).

Hmm, and I’m studying an ancient Tibetan text, “In Praise of Dependent Origination,” for two days in April, with the Dalai Lama. Nosebleed seat, but I figure he’s not speaking English, so no use buying the more expensive seats. That’s on a Friday/Saturday. He’s also doing another talk that Sunday, which I may attend, as well. I bought those tickets, but passed on decent tickets to see The Police. Who would have thought?

But, anyway, now ya’ll know about as much as I do…