I tried. I gave up.

Although I’m a big fan of working on the novel at 4 a.m., the fragility of making it work on an ongoing basis was always a concern. An iced tea for lunch as a treat could have me awake at 9 p.m., then tired when I woke up, and drinking a little more caffeine to do a good workday for my job, which kept me up until 10 p.m. But I almost never gave in. I would wake up, no matter what, at 4 a.m. and try to work.

But the quality of the work in comparison to the amount of drama seems out of proportion, and I called it quits. I’m upset also that I’m accepting this a week after Semi Precious Weapons played their concert in town AND I missed someone’s birthday last week due to timing issues.

So, what this means moving forward is… I try something new.

Well, not new, probably just need to accept that perfection doesn’t exist, and that I need a messy life with a lot of things trying to pull my focus, and I don’t always let them. I do have one issue that needs to resolve, and that is my thinking that dinner is sort of the end of the day. Like, once you eat dinner, forget it. You can read, watch TV, see a movie… but gym time and work? Never. If they didn’t happen by now, they’re not going to. And that just needs to disappear.

So, I don’t know what will happen yet. I’ll try things and see what works. The goal is 6 days a week @ the gym, and 7 days a week on the novel, but how that sorts out is fine. My work hours have some flexibility, more than any normal job, and it will all work out.

When I last did the 4 a.m. wake up to write, it was VERY different. Then, I didn’t have a job, so yeah, I’d wake up at 4 a.m., work on the book for a few hours, but then I’d go back to bed without setting an alarm. So, although that was the reference point for my liking to work at that hour, it was done MUCH differently last time.

I wonder how many similar posts to this there are in the archives here. I’m afraid to find out. Heh.

Writing went OK today. It’ll be a bit more smooth sailing after this chapter, but this chapter has been a bear to work out in every draft, so no reason it should be easier now. It’s improved a lot, but it still doesn’t flow. I printed it out, so time to give it some attention when I’m not at the computer.

Starting tomorrow, I’ll be writing on my new 24″ top of the line iMac. It is already a huge boost over my existing iMac, which is like 7 years old (the old Dome kind). Took 13 hours to copy all my music onto the new one, so just getting it all set up first. Then I’ll make the proper switch.

Got some good news yesterday, which I can’t share, but I no longer have to book plane tickets in a month or so, so that’s cool. That’s not to say I won’t book some travel soon, just that I have free reign to pick places now.

Although, to be fair, my guess is I’ll travel in June or July.

Not a very cohesive blog this morning, but I think that’s still better than not blogging, no?

“I used to do a little, but a little wouldn’t do me, so a little got more and more…”
– Mr. Brownstone, Guns ‘n’ Roses

I know it isn’t anything rare to admit to using controlled substances these days. Recovery and rehab are really just to-do list items these days for those in the limelight. I know I’ve complained about my new writing schedule on here, and said how hard it was to maintain, but I did seek outside help to keep me on schedule and it caught up to me fast.

Here’s the problem: I have what you’d call a physically-unchallenging job. A mouse potato, to use the hipster parlance. I do 45 minutes of cardio at the beginning of the day, and then well… I sit around a lot. What I’m saying is I don’t come home from a day at work exhausted, because most of the time I work at home to begin with. Which means, my sleep schedule needs to be tied to being tired, as there is nothing else happening from which I need to recover. No one on my shift called off and I had to cover half of their section. I never have to keep running in back to check if something’s in stock. You get the picture.

So, if I’m not tired around eight o’clock at night, that means I’m not going to be rested when I get up to write at 4 a.m. And this is where the controlled substances kick in. To kick start my day, I drink a mocha upstart energy shot. Which is often followed by a lot of iced tea. And, when you’re tired and need to not be tired, caffeine isn’t any unique retreat. It’s more of a national epidemic. Plus, cocaine is a simple carb, and therefore not allowed on my diet.

The problem when you’re tired in the morning and have to take caffeine to push through is that you can misjudge the amount of caffeine, and then when 8 p.m. rolls around, you’re even less tired than the night before, and more tired at 4 a.m., and the cycle repeats.

So, it’s been a bit of diminishing returns like that for the past week or so on the book. I’ve worked on it every day, but am I giving it the attention it deserves? No. And that isn’t acceptable when you put it in the context of how much I’m giving up as a result as far as night entertainment and all.

This weekend, I’m doing something I’ve done before, and I’m going off the caffeine. There’s really no need, as I’m giving myself enough time for a proper, restful sleep every day. So, I figure I’ll wait until the weekend to let my headache start, and by Monday, it should be out of my system.

Being tired makes it hard to be joyful in the morning, and enthusiastic about working on the book. And that’s the place I need to inhabit.

So, looks like I’ll have to stock up on my Roobois. I have some roasted barley here that can be steeped as a tea, as well. For some reason, only drinking water is boring, and everything else interesting has sugar, but these are minor concerns.

So, there’s my version of a tweat. “Jeff says he’s giving up caffeine” just doesn’t intrigue me as much as a blog post, heh.